The Empath and the Narcissist in Love
- January 25, 2023
- Posted by: samsam
- Category: energy
As we move forward through life, we often become increasingly aware that we are empaths, feeling, sensing, knowing the energy of emotions of others. Feeling it all.
As spiritual souls we are on a journey through a physical life that must be felt. So often this is the downfall of our human self, choosing to shut off, cut off and refrain from feeling in order to not get hurt, to not feel vulnerable.
As a Healer and a Spiritual Coach, one of the many situations I often find myself helping clients process or release is the experience of the empath versus the narcissist.
So why do these two seemingly polar opposite beings migrate towards each other so often?
First lets look at the energy of the empath. So often empaths are born into families where there is disconnect. Born through parents who were carrying so much of their own stuff to walk through that the pains, the needs, the loneliness of the child went un noticed. Often growing up in situations where they felt overlooked, rejected, not enough and as if they were resented for being here.
As a child the empath is usually quite a loner, subconsciously protecting themselves from the over load of the world around them, energetically I mean. with no real understanding of why they felt more comfortable alone. Feeling overwhelmed when surrounded by people and uncomfortable whenever the spotlight was put on them. They hid away and withdrew.
However, under that, there is often a strong desire for love, wanting to feel loved, wanting to feel accepted and wanted. Wanting to fit in. This remains with us through into adulthood. That feeling of not being good enough, unwanted and unable to be loved creeps in and digs deep roots.
When we turn and look at the life path of the Narcissist, they too are living in deep pain and struggle. They tool feel unwanted and unloved in the world. Often walking through painful childhood experiences, they too feel all of the feelings that the empath does but they choose a different approach. For the narcissist it becomes a self centred war against those around them. Feeling that they have the right to demand, to manipulate, to take from others whatever they wish in order to feel powerful and strong. This is to stop the feelings of being less than. These actions make them feel powerful. They desire admiration and will become aggressive to those who are not giving it. Many have been on the receiving ends of the threats, the manipulation, the intimidation given. They are clever and learn everything about someone very quickly to empower them to know what buttons to push, what triggers to use to get out of the person exactly what they want, just when they need it.
When the empath and the narcissist first meet, there is a feeling of such connection, such acceptance, a deep understanding and wanting because they mirror each other’s feelings, that desire to be loved and wanted. To feel that someone cares. This is the magnet. This is what draws them together.
Empaths love deeply. So much so that they are capable of seeing love when it is not there. Feeling so much and truly believing they are feeling it back, when in truth what they are feeling is what they want to feel, not what is real. Loving someone can make them feel whole, that void that formed in childhood fills and they blindly believe that the love is coming from the other person. They are wrong.
The narcissist fills their heads with words of love, getting the empath to very quickly believe that they have never felt such a love, a connection with anyone else. Telling the empath whatever they need to hear as their adoration strokes the ego of the narcissist. Both are blindly happy at this stage. The narcissist tells the empath that they want this relationship, that they desire this more than anything but what they are really doing is ‘grooming’ the empath to be completely fooled and controllable. To give all their time and energy to them thinking they are the most important person in their life.
The empath is so afraid to lose this source of ‘love’, believing that they may never feel this again that they bend, they give in, they start to do things they normally would never do, they start withdrawing from other aspects of life, friends and family as they fall deeper and deeper into the tangled web that will soon suffocate them.
The dialogue changes, for the narcissist is bored now. He or she has won. They have the empath completely under their control. So they become irritated and bored because the high of winning is over. Irritated by the empath they grow tired of their constant attention and now the put downs and the shut downs begin. This makes the empath try harder, the triggers are now there, the buttons of fear are being pushed. As the narcissist gets, takes everything they desire, when they want it and leaves the Empath standing out in the cold, feeling empty, unloved and unfulfilled. The feeling of rejection and not being good enough for them is strong. Yet still they cling on to the relationship, thinking if I just change this or if this happens then things will get better. It never does. This is the empath blind in love.
So how does the Empath justify what is going on when they feel so much? They feel sorry for the narcissist, they tell themselves that they are hurting, that they get that, because they understand them, it is because of their past and they can be a better partner if I can just get him or her through this. The Empath still believes that this is love. They are in love with the idea of love not the person before them.
To keep hold of this love slowly over time the Empath learns to shutdown, to not ask questions, to not expect anything, to simply do as they are told and be who they need to be moment to moment.
Then one day the Empath is hurting so much that they feel they must express themselves but when they share how unloved they feel, how unappreciated they are, they are met with abuse. Being called selfish, crazy, needy or too much.
The Narcissist thrives on adoration. They know now that the clock is ticking and this source of adoration is coming to an end so they move on. Lining up the next person who will think they are amazing. Still holding on to the first one of course, just in case, for the Narcissist can only feel powerful if there is someone in their world they can control.
In conversations the Narcissist always justifies their words and actions by blaming it on either the Empath or external events and so the cycle begins again. For the Empath now feels they should stick it out and fix, heal the Narcissist and then the love will come back. The love that was never there.
So how does this cycle end?
The Empath must go through a huge and painful awakening. Whether seeing the other person out with the next victim, or being excluded from celebrations, realising that they are not included in family or friendship gatherings, they are being excluded. Feeling that the other person is living a double life. Or perhaps it will be that the words used cut so deep that this time the Narcissist has gone too far.
They must feel so worthless, so empty that they sink lower than ever before. This creates space for them to feel once more, to start to think and feel that this cannot be right. That they are worth more than this and that this person does not deserve their love.
AS the Empath awakens the Narcissist carries on regardless, so self centred that they are unaware of the shift in the Empath but this creates the opportunity for the Empath to now observe and accept the painful truth of the way the other person behaves.
This is the journey of the Empath and the Narcissist in love. A journey that will remind the Empath that they stronger than they ever knew. A path that shows them one important life lesson, that we must choose wisely who we love. To know what is acceptable and what is not. To know their true self worth in this lifetime.
Loved this blog? Drop me a comment to let me know. Need help releasing the impact of a narcissistic relationship? Click here to book karmic cleanse therapy