We spend so much time loving those around us, that so often we forget to love ourselves. We de-value ourselves in our pursuit of ensuring those around us are.

It’s not an overnight decision or process to put ourselves last on our list, it is a slow slide into feeling less than. A journey that drains us of energy and the ability to see it for ourselves. It takes someone else to point it out to us, that we have put ourselves in the energy of lack.

So often it is such a gradual slide, we become numb and often feel depressed, resorting to popping ‘happy pills’ to add to that numbness. An attempt to avoid a truth, an ugly truth, that there is just not enough love to go round. We are now sat in a third lockdown, and reports are out that women are being hit harder than ever by the expectation that life has placed upon them but what is more damaging for mental health, are the expectations we place upon ourselves. Here’s some more information about that report I am talking about: New Every Mind Matters campaign — GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

So how to do we see it for ourselves? Well here I am sharing ten key signs that it is time to love you more.

1. You are no longer sure about who you are, what you want out of life and are just following everyone elses lead or opinion on how you should be living.
2. You are very critical of yourself in your thinking.
3. You are letting fear be the driving force behind your decision making.
4. You feel overwhelmed.
5. You are stressed out most of the time.
6. You know deep down you have settled, in your career and in your relationship.
7. You are always pushing for the next thing, to be more, to do more. Rather than stopping and appreciating what you have achieved.
8. You don’t make time for fun in your life, and when you do you feel guilty that you are not working or being productive some how.
9. You dislike your body, in fact you hate your body and point that out to yourself often.
10. You are constantly comparing you and your life to others.

Feel familiar?

So how do we change this? When I talked about this in a recent workshop, those attending started to cry. When things are pointed out to us, when we hit the nail on the head, there often comes tears and upset. Just for a moment. Just enough space and time to recognise that something is wrong and that we need to do something about that. When it comes to self love, it is YOU that needs to love yourself back to wellness. No one else can do it for you. Coaches can steer you along the road to happiness, healers can heal the cracks that have formed in your emotional and mental walls, but ultimately it is you who must take the journey. You who must change your behaviour.

One of the first key steps to self love is actually to be more compassionate. All day long that voice in our head is jabbering on, a constant dialogue of thoughts, opinions and observations, half of which are probably not even real. So next time you find yourself, self hating with those statements, ask yourself, would you say those things to your daughter, your sister, your best friend? If the answer is ‘no’, then you have no right to say those things to yourself either.

Where are your boundaries? Are you drained because you are letting everyone say anything, do anything and suck the life out of you? When we have a self worth, self love issue, one of the key indicators is that we have boundary issues. We feel unable to say no, we don’t want to risk upsetting anyone as we falsely believe it will make us even less loveable. We stop teaching or training the people around us what we will and will not accept. Begin to say no and your mind will also start to respect you more. Each time you do it, it will give you more strength to do it some more because no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel at times, deep down you know it is right. Right for you.

Try forgiving yourself. We all make ‘mistakes’, but we forget that often we are doing our best with the resources we have available at the time. Whether money, emotion, knowledge or even energy. We are all doing our best, moment to moment, especially right now with the way things are in this world. When we change how we interpret events, the events no longer seem punishable. When we develop a growth mindset and learn to ask ourselves what is the lesson here? What do I need to do better? How can I improve this? How would I do things differently next time? This is spiritual or personal growth in itself.

Choose you, choose fun, choose happiness. When we raise our vibration to a place of joy, our attitude, our energy level and our self love shifts in the right direction. Put yourself first this week and let the magic happen.

Need my help to get your magic back? Click here